Query: My wife likes walking around the house in her underwear and I don’t like it. I have told her multiple times but she thinks it’s funny that I should have any objection to it, especially because we both live alone. But I find it very unattractive. Your suggestion.
Expert advice:
Relationships are vulnerable spaces. They allow us to experience a special kind of freedomand acceptance that we might have never experienced before.
We enter relationships with childlike hope and enthusiasm and bring our best selves forward for our partner. Hence it is understandable for one to feel hurt and frustrated when our sincere requests are not treated with seriousness.
It becomes imperative at such instances to convey ourselves with honesty and respect. If we communicate with aggression or insult our partners tend to be less receptive to what we are saying.
Before having this conversation with your wife however I would encourage you to explore your own thoughts about nudity.
What does a n*ked body signify for you? Why is the body of someone you love seemingly unattractive? Why does it cause such immense discomfort for you? What is your definition of attractive?
Reflect back upon your ideas about nakedness and the messages that you received about your body growing up.
Do you feel comfortable being nak*d as much as your wife does? If not, why? As children our bodies are rarely ever censored however as we grow into teenage and adulthood we develop more restricting behaviours around n*dity. One of the reasons is linking it to s*xuality. However it’s important to note they are not one and the same.
Our naked bodies are not always meant to be bared for consumption, they are allowed to exist as nature intended for them to. Culture plays a big role in our underlying beliefs about nudity.
Growing up in conservative households where women mostly wore floor length nightgowns or salwar kameez subconsciously created our default ideas about appropriate dressing.
Sometimes things we dislike in others are representative of banished parts of ourselves that we need to work on accepting.
Once you have answered some of these questions for yourself, try to understand where this need to censor your partner’s body is coming from. Sometimes our reactions don’t stem from others behaviours but instead from the underlying messages these behaviours symbolise.
It is likely that being naked is a sign of freedom and comfort for your wife while to you it is inappropriate and uncivil. Exploring these questions with your partner will enable you to put perspective on her seemingly dismissive behaviour.
