“Anataka tuanze kuishi pamoja kama bibi na bwana, na bado hatujaoana.”

Her story: My long-time boyfriend wants to try a live-in relationship before getting married. I love him so much, we have been seeing each other since college, and it has been 9 years but I am scared given the kind of cases happening these days.

I don’t know how to let him know this because he will definitely take offense and presume that I am making an excuse but this is my truth. Is it wrong? I do give him hints, and read these pieces of news out loud. He gets irritated and leaves the room. What should I do? How do I put my point across?

His story: My girlfriend is everything to me and I want to marry her but I think we should live together first.

I have so many friends who dated for 6-7 years but after marriage, they fell apart because they say living together is a totally different ball game.

When I proposed a live-in before marriage, she seems withdrawn. Just recently we were at a friend’s place and I was cutting some vegetables for a stew and she entered the room and literally spooked out.

Often, she cooks and I do the chopping when we are together at her place or mine. I don’t know what to make of that reaction. This is tearing us apart and I am hating this situation. Should I just go ahead with the marriage? Is she thinking I will leave her after this trial? It is very confusing, please help!

Expert advice by Relationship Coach Toby Toby:

No relationship is wrapped under the parcel of perfection. You need to strengthen your present when you see a future with someone.

Marriage is not online shopping, where you can return the product for not being up to the mark.

This is why know the person in the present and then move to knit a beautiful future together.

For Her…

Yes, the concept of a live-in relationship is quite skeptical.

But why do you want to look at the darker side of it? Consider it as an opportunity to understand your boyfriend more. When you stay together to make a decision, stay for the positive part of your story.

The consequence you are scared of could be purely delusional. If he had such a fishy idea in his mind to leave you in between, he would have done that much earlier.

Why would he spend another period with you and then make a decision? Trust is the key to your relationship, remember!

Do not bring unwanted insecurities to wreck your beautiful bond. 9 years of togetherness would not succumb to the test of time. Believe in yourself and believe in him as well. If you have accepted him with his flaws, he will too without any constraints.

For him…

Do not consider the live-in relationship as a problem-solving mechanism! Problems in a relationship are inevitable. When two different people with distinct ideologies come together, there is bound to be a clash of opinions between them.

However, contradictory opinions or perspectives do not kill the love between two. That’s why we love each other beyond the idea of moral uprightness. Though live-in is not a bad idea to understand someone thoroughly, do not use it as an instrument for separation.

There are relationships where people being in live-in for years, decide to part ways post their marriages. Her concern is not invalid, neither is your idea goofy. But more than everything, your love is real. Treasure that and move ahead!

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